tired of the high road

{worth it}

It is not fair.

I hear a lot of that from a certain someone in my life.

Tonight I kind of get what she means.

You know when you want to yell, and point out that none of this is your fault, and that you did everything you could and that despite how terribly you have been treated you always took the high road? You know when your cheeks get flushed because what you really want to say is, I don't have to be this nice, you know; I could make this much worse for you, you know; you are lucky I am even willing to answer this call, you know? You know those times when insults are applicable, but the person who deserves them is just so sad, and it makes you sad too instead of angry? You know the feeling deep in your stomach that maybe everything will not be okay? Those times really suck. I can't think of a more poetic way to say it.

And so I've asked for the strength to be gracious when I really don't want to be gracious anymore -- the strength to be gracious when I'd rather use the f-word.

Tonight I am especially grateful to be able to tuck my sweet girl into bed. I am equally grateful to tuck myself into bed with the latest Mad Men and my sweet husband.

xo

Em