Thursday, August 9, 2012

make your neighbours hate you {in six simple steps}

{the feast pre-lobster, I was too busy with step three to take pictures once it arrived}

(1) Invite your in-laws to visit for the August long weekend. Being from away, they'll want lobster for sure. Because lobster is a treat even for us locals, invite your parents over for good measure. The more the merrier.

(2) Buy 19 lbs of cooked lobster -- don't cook it yourself, your house will smell. You don't like smells.

(3) Gorge yourself on lobster and all the fixings (make sure you ask your mum to bring the potato salad, hers is the best).

(4) Take a nap. Just kidding, that is what you will want to do at this stage, but push through, you've got a kitchen to clean up. Remember to throw the remains of your feast in your (shared, outdoor) compost bin; it is the environmentally friendly thing to do.

(5) Cross your fingers for warm weather. Maggots love it.

(6) Presto -- before you know it your whole street (literally) will smell like decomposing lobster. This is especially awesome when you have construction going on next door. What could be worse than doing manual labour in the blazing heat? Smelling rotting lobster while doing so. Oh my word...

True story. The lobster is still there. Our compost won't be picked up until Monday. It is absolutely disgusting. I feel so bad. We can't transport our festering bin. Heck, we can't even open our windows. All we can do is wait. Maybe if I make lemonade for the guys working next door we could call it even....

Any suggestions on what we can do to get rid of the smell? Lime? Baking soda? A bonfire?



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